and so it goes

I guess I’m not going to hear from B—- again. He didn’t answer my last text. It’s not like The Breakfast Club, the weird artsy chick doesn’t end up with the frat boy. I guess I thought he was different. That’s my fault. It’s too bad, because I really thought there was potential. Besides, you’d think all the guaranteed sex you want without having to do the boyfriend stuff would be most guys’ dream.

At least I had a great time hanging out with my friend I hadn’t seen in years. It was like the old days. Friday night I’m going to a birthday party at the Zoo Bar, should be interesting. Haven’t been there in years.

just shoot me now…

can it get any worse? Now I’ve got some ::married:: guy trying to talk me into being his mistress or wtf they call it nowadays… HELL TO THE NO… I don’t care how hot he is, I’m not settling for that… having been a wife who was cheated on, there’s no way I’m going there.  Then, I get a text from a friend of my husband’s, who I have ::absolutely nothing::  in common with (he thinks he’s a rapper, I f’ing LOATHE rap, I resent how Nick wasted so much of his time and talent on that shit and the people it led him to hang out with) wanting to hang out… the crazy cat lady route is becoming ever more appealing.

I was supposed to get paid today, the first of the year they started mailing our checks to our homes instead of giving them out at work.  It wasn’t here. My mail comes late in the day, so who knows when I’ll get it tomorrow. Thank God I’m not broke. If Nick was still here, it would have set off a major drama crisis because we would have been completely broke and he wouldn’t have been able to get his weed or dope.

 

sigh….

I am such an idiot.

I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to find someone… I’m reasonably attractive, look young for my age, I’m smart, I’m loyal. I guess I’m too much of a romantic, to think that love at first sight can happen to you more than once in your life…

Then again, maybe this is God’s way of telling me I’m not ready for a relationship… I will admit that it feels good to be able to be selfish, to worry about me and what I need, after 16 years of it being all about Nick and what he wanted and needed…

 

 

 

 

 

 

FML

Happy Valentines Day… not. I made the mistake of telling B—- how much I liked him, and of course he vanished into thin air.  He said he didn’t think he was ready for a relationship, and it wouldn’t be fair to me.  All I did was mention it, and then I said I was ok with just keeping it casual. Haven’t heard from him since.  I will try one more time, Saturday night I’m hanging out with an old and dear friend I haven’t seen in several years, her boyfriend’s band is playing at a coffee place downtown. B—- likes music, and doesn’t drink, so I will text him about it. Just mention that I’ll be there.  There is always the possibility that I may meet someone there, too. The online thing is very frustrating. I got a very interesting email from a guy here in Lincoln on match.com, but as I can’t afford their ridiculous membership fees –34.99/mo or 19.99/mo if you pay for 3 months at once, I can’t even view his freaking profile, let alone contact him. Who the hell can afford to belong to these things? I’m already regretting the 24.99 I wasted on the other site.

maybe…

So I’ve met someone, I really like him… don’t know where it’s going, if anywhere at all, but I sure hope so.  It’s the weirdest thing… he sent me a message with his number since he wasn’t a member… his profile interested me, so I texted him. We texted back and forth for a couple of days, and I was able to find his facebook profile because it turns out we have friends in common. We finally met last night, and it was weird because it wasn’t weird (does that make sense?)… he’s 38, divorced, has 2 beautiful little girls (I’ve seen the pictures) who he adores. That’s just one of the things I like about him, that he’s trying to be a good dad. Girls need to know their dad loves them, or they grow up with issues (like me).  We like a lot of the same music, and music is important to both of us. I told him about my husband dying (my facebook page still says I’m married, because if I changed my status to widowed, it tells me my relationship will be “cancelled” — as if you can just “cancel” 16 years.  I will probably change it after six months, especially if it gets serious with B.  He told me alot of things he didn’t have to, especially if he wasn’t planning on seeing me again. I won’t see him this weekend because he has his girls until Sunday night… but hopefully next week…